Marriage is hard y’all. 

But honestly, it’s not the marriage that’s the problem. My heart is the problem. It’s desperately sick. Living with another heart-struggler only reveals the brokenness. I’m so glad I don’t need to be stuck in this place.

This weekend was no exception. Do y’all ever fight about something incredibly stupid and wonder how something so petty could spiral so quickly? Only me? Ok, perfect. Bear with me then.

Usually, arguments are only symptoms of deeper hurts, frustrations or miscommunications. The challenge is to see the forest through the trees, especially when emotions are high and fight-or-flight takes over. Did you know that there are actual physical changes that happen that cause us to respond quicker, become more sensitive and emotionally charged in these moments, when we feel threatened?

And remember your spouse is experiencing the same thing. 

We desperately need to see the deeper root issues. And seek to understand each other before emotions get high and escalate. Questions are always a good idea. But if you’re already heated, there is still hope.

There is an effective way to move forward . . . prayer and perspective.

Prayer works. It’s not always fun. It feels really awkward and it’s the last thing you will want to do in these situations. Trust me, I know. But give it a try! Someone has to be the bigger person and lead out. I’ve heard it said that the first to forgive is the strongest. I say it’s the first to pray and better yet, pray together. I know this is wild. Hang with me.

Prayer softens hearts and crumbles walls. God changes us through prayer. Its not about us changing God’s mind as much as it’s about Him changing us. 

It’s extremely hard to stay angry in the presence of Jesus. I triple dog dare you to try. The miracle happens in the process of the prayer. Just start. Even if it’s ugly and broken. It probably will be.

Perspective. Think about the things you are thankful for about your spouse. Maybe it’s just one thing in that moment. Or a half of something. Whatever it is, say it in your heart, or better yet, out loud.

The enemy loves dissension. He loves when you fight or conflict. Thanksgiving is the antidote to worry (Philippians 4: 6-9). Think about the good things. Fight keep your mind in that place and ask God for help. 

Peace comes with dependence, humility and effort. But God’s on your side. He is slow to anger and abounding in compassion and grace. 

Let’s be the same.

Photo by Vera Arsic on

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